But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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