He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
