id be glad to
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize