Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
