im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
