This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
