Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
