can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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