Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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