i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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