girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
