Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
