Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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