My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
