I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
whose parrot is this?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
