The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
