I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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