Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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