Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
