Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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