Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
