I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize