Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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