Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize