I'm lost and stupid without you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
