i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
