She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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