Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
