I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
