I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
