That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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