i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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