When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
