When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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