i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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