I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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