So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
