apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
