why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
