I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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