I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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