i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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