so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i came on her dog
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
