You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
