he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
