He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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