Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
