you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
