I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
