Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
