just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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