Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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