Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
