Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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