Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
