it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
