I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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