omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
