I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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