what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
