if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
