my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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