I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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