So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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