...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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