She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
