Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
