I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
