So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
