hotel room ftw
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
