but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
