I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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