Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
