when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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