yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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