So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
