Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
