He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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