I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
