If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
