he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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