I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
