nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize