My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
