i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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