I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
