just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
