Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
