It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
