having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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