so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
