Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
