Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize