He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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