wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
