you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
