Don't you send me to vm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
