yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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