To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
