Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
