I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
