Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
