I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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