I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
