Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
