It's Friday. Sex?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
