Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
