The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
